Life can be challenging
When so much change happens, all at once, or our expectations are not met (in other words, things do not go the way we want them to), it can feel overwhelming, frustrating, at times also scary. We're not sure about what to do next. Some of us withdraw from others, others end up overindulging in an activity, perhaps food, entertainment or unhealthy relationships.
I'm 35 and over the last 15 years I've completely transformed many aspects of my life. I stopped drinking alcohol, smoking, consuming sugar in hot drinks, reduce TV time by 95%, let go of disempowering relationships, changed jobs over 10 times, moved countries, and homes.
It's difficult to do it alone. I tried.
I've had many people helping me along the way: mentors, counsellors, friends, family, coaches, therapists and I learned that the quickest way to change is by slowing down and doing things gradually.
Reassuringly, I also learned that there is a predictable process that can help me in improving any areas of life.
At your own pace
Although each person may do it at a different pace, these are the 7 action areas that have worked both for me and the people I've mentored or coached over the years:
1) Realization. This is when you honestly check in with yourself by saying: I've had it! I MUST change. Sadly, many people wait until they are hurt or it's irreversible, before starting to change. It does not have to be that painful nor dramatic.
Action step: Take some time by yourself. Be honest. What is it you are unhappy about or you'd really like to improve before things become irreparable?
2) Surround yourself with people that cheer for you. Sometimes the people in our family and circle of friends are too busy or involved in their own lives and it's your responsibility to look for people that 'actively' cheer for you, encourage, inspire, motivate you.
Action step: Write down a list of people that are actively supporting you today, calling you, encouraging you, regularly checking in on you? As I was travelling, I did not have many so I had to get resourceful, look online, ask around, join communities, groups. Find yours, join them and be an active participant. Use videos, meet face to face, where possible. Chats and social media posts are not enough.
3) Find a life coach that helps you clearly identify and define areas of your life you'll benefit the most from changing. Sometimes we just feel demotivated, tired, uninspired and we do not know the reason for it. A life coach can help identify the underlying reasons, remove the barriers preventing you from living a more fulfilling life, and design an action plan that will nudge you in the right direction. It has to be the right coach for you, at that moment in time.
Action step: Reach out to at least 5 coaches and have an initial consultation with them. It's usually free. Do not need to rush this step. This coach has to feel right for you during this stage of your life.
4) Find a mentor. Once you're clear(er) about what sparks your professional, or personal interest, pursuit it with all your energy. Look for a mentor that is already successful at that one 'thing' you are drawn towards. It does not matter if your pursuit changes or evolves over time as long as you let your intuition guide you in the right direction. For example, if you want to become a great mum or dad, find a great family that can mentor you, if you want to become a great entrepreneur, find one near you that is already successful at it. Spend time with them. Learn. Ask questions.
Action step: Jot down a list of possible mentors you either know directly, or you could be introduced to. Reach out, share your interests, have a conversation.
5) Create a healthy and nurturing space. Physical and psychological. You are now clear about what's important to you and you've taken the first steps towards it. You'll need to gather all the energy and resources you can and surround yourself with an environment that nurtures you in the pursuit of that objective.
Action step: Sometimes it's not so easy to just move places, let go of toxic relationships or change jobs. Slow down, be patient. Let you mentor guide you. Trust them. They've done it before.
6) Be accountable. When you get started, doing or learning new things may feel exhausting, however there is no substitute for relentless and consistent action. Very few people are self motivated, many others prefer to be held accountable. Find which one works for you and commit to it.
Action step: Find someone that can hold you accountable. Ask for their help. It can be a mentor, a coach or somebody else. You do not have to be friends, or like them as such however you'd have to feel uncomfortable at the idea of letting them down or agree to negative consequences if you do not follow through with your commitments. It could be in monetary terms or else. Sometimes it's the people that care the most about you that will tell you what you do not want to hear, yet you need to.
7) Be patient. Your main priority is to fall in love with the process because, once you do that and you're not attached to the outcome, you'll lose track of time. Eventually, the results will come.
Action step: watch this video by Sadghuru: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4j8dQmUkXNA
Hope you find this helpful. Feel free to comment or reach out to me directly.